It's been a while since I put down my thoughts. A lot has happened since then. Covid has done it's work and a lot of good people ended up losing their lives. May they rest in peace. As for me and mine, we weathered the Covid storm well. I have managed to travel to Puerto Rico to visit with Mom without adverse effects.
Speaking of which, my mom is now 92 years old and still strong. I often wonder if I will last that long and if I will be as strong as her if I do last that long. Sometimes I'm not sure I would want to last that long but only God and time will tell.
Recently I have been revisiting the past. All the things that I have done and the ones that I have not done or might not do if I run out of time. I suppose you could call it my bucket list. Funny, I never thought that I would be putting together a bucket list but now that I am older, I think "what's the harm in it", right. It's not like it's set in stone. I can add or subtract as I see fit.
On another note, I have noticed that just about everyone is using social media these days (young and old) for a variety of reasons. Some use it to see if they can find companionship because they are either newly divorced, newly widowed, or just for a change of scenery. Others hook in because of loneliness. Kind of like a forum to let go of some of the negative feelings.
Finding a good person to share and spend some time with can be a daunting experience. There are so many people out there who pretend to be someone they are not and by the time you realize they are pretending, it is too late to move on. Then the hurt starts again and you stop trusting people. Everyone wants to put their best foot forward but in doing so, they lie to themselves and pretend that they are someone different rather than the person they have become.
Folks, loneliness is a serious thing. It makes your mind go to places you don't want it to go which is not good for the person suffering it. Unfortunately, you can be surrounded by many people and still feel lonely because you haven't found that friend/partner that can make you feel validated. As vulnerable human beings, we need to open ourselves to being a little more social even if it goes against our nature. I for one have experienced vulnerability and loneliness.
When I first arrived in Philly, I knew no one. I was in a different environment than I was used to with people who only spoke English. I was so used to hearing and speaking Spanish that I felt isolated. Because of this I made a number of mistakes that I would spend years trying to make right. Eventually I pushed myself to do something about the loneliness and isolation. I took up Roller Skating, Aerobics, joined the church choir, and anything else I could think of. If I couldn't get someone to go with me to some of these places, I went alone.
That's how I got to the point where I felt comfortable with myself. I even took the European tour by myself which was very brave at the time since I knew no one and I was going to spend 16 days with a total stranger the company had paired me up with. I had not met her beforehand but as it turns out, she was a great roommate and we had a very good time together with the rest of the single folks. Granted, it wasn't easy since I had to push myself out of my comfort zone but I found a way to make it work for me. I made some mistakes when I first got here but little by little I learned from those mistakes and here I am, talking about them and how I was able to overcome.
Bottom line is that if I, who am terribly shy, could overcome some of the obstacles, I think anyone can. You just have to want it bad enough and above all you need to believe in yourself. I finally learned how to feel comfortable in my own skin and to put myself out there to a certain extent.
This is all for now but I will be back!
